How to Prepare a Teenager for College (and Other Myths)
By Steven Case Posted on October 04 2009
When our students graduate we stand them up in front of the church and hand them one of those smarmy little devotional books like Christ on Campus or Jesus in My Dorm Room. In most cases those books never make it to the dorm room. (Some don’t make it out of the church.)
What’s wrong with giving some truly practical advice? Here’s a quick list of things every youth minister should pass on to their college-bound graduates.
Teach them to do laundry.
- Laundry is sorted into two piles. Dirty and Offensive. Dirty may be worn again. Offensive must be washed. Learn the compost method of cleaning in which the heat and weight from the top of the pile cleans the clothes on the bottom of the pile.
Teach them to eat like college students.
- Mac and Cheese, 25¢ a box; Ramen Noodles, 6 for a dollar.
- Most campus ministry organizations will provide food if you come to their meetings. So would you rather have food prepared in a Styrofoam cup in the microwave or something cooked by friendly church ladies in a real kitchen? The term Ecumenical means you get to eat every night.
- For $25 a year you can join a warehouse club. Then you go back anytime of the day and enjoy a variety of free samples. Talk sweet to the person with the tray, and they’ll let you stand there till they close.
- Donate blood. They’ll give you a sandwich.
Teach them about prayer.
- Kneeling in front of a toilet saying, “Oh God, Oh God,” between bursts is not prayer.
Teach them about God’s little miracle of caffeine.
- Coffee is your friend. Mountain Dew contains about twice the caffeine as Pepsi. Coffee contains twice the caffeine of Mountain Dew.
Teach them about housework.
- Mold is good in the science lab. Not under your bed.
- How to avoid doing dishes: pour cereal in mouth from box. Pour milk in mouth from carton. Shake. Chew. Repeat.
Teach them about world religions.
- You’ll meet a whole lot of people and not all of them think the way you do.
Teach them about cults.
- If a group is trying to pick your friends, define your enemies, select what information you should know and read, and convince you they have all the answers, then you most likely have joined a cult.
Teach them about professors.
- Not all them care if you graduate or not.
Teach them about homework.
- Any excuse you’ve ever used up until now won’t ever be accepted in any college situation.
Teach them about getting along with others.
- Not everybody is interested in your opinion.
- If you have a roommate, nothing is private.
- If you live in a dorm, remember that party down the hall is made up mostly of people who won’t be there when you graduate.
Teach them about drugs and alcohol.
- Do you want to graduate?
Teach them about campus ministry.
- Your campus minister is like your youth minister, only more tired.
Teach them about direction.
- Don’t forget where you came from.
- Don’t lose sight of where you’re going.
Teach them about family relationships.
- When your mother says you never call to tell her about college, she’s not interested in college; she wants to know why you didn’t call.
- When you go home you may be smarter, but your parents have seen you in diapers and will remember how cute you were.
Teach them about loneliness.
- Have them send you their e-mail addresses as soon as they get settled. Then for the next year send them Romans 8:38-39 every single day.
You’ve planted the seed; now watch it grow
Comments
From Benson Hines on March 30, 2010
Thanks for this Steven. You’re right - we’re far too often not-practical-enough, and that’s real disciplemaking, too.
As someone who serves with lots of college ministers, we appreciate anybody in the Youth Ministry world remembering us (and their students) as we exist in the world beyond the chasm of graduation.
Since you do roam into the specifically-spiritual a bit, I would add: Teach them about Church. Even when students do plug into a church on the Other Side, they often don’t “get it” in this regard. Teaching both Ecclesiology and Churchmanship before college would help our students a whole bunch.
And nobody should doubt the importance of warning them about cults. Thanks especially for including that.
Here’s hoping that the great Hand-off would grow smoother and smoother, and that we college ministers and you youth ministers would see each other as comrades and not annoyances!
From Brian Kiley on March 30, 2010
Great stuff, Steven. I agree with Benson that often preparing students for the transition to college is not practical enough, and that is certainly an important element of making disciples.
I think there is a sense in which we as ministers can fall into the trap of assuming that students already know all of the stuff that you list in this post, when they don’t. Those are all lesson that we had to learn at one point or another, and as ministers we have the opportunity to help students learn those lessons from people who care for them and want what is best for them.
The high school/college transition is so important, and I’m glad to see it getting some attention.
From Todd Vick on March 31, 2010
This is great advice for graduates and for youth ministers alike. As a college minister and a former youth minister I wish I had done a better job of preparing my seniors for life after high school and especially for the college environment. Thanks for writing this Steven it is great to see more and more information like this coming out of the youth ministry world and hopefully more youth ministers will take it seriously. We truly do need to learn to partner together better as youth ministers and college ministers.
From Guy Chmieleski on April 08, 2010
Steven,
You’ve got some good stuff here. A lot of it funny… but true.
I think it’s probably worth differentiating between what a youth pastor should be “responsible for” and what a parent should be “responsible for.” I think there’s a lot from your list [if not all of it]that parents should have a big part in.
I think the youth pastor’s primary role and challenge is training up young people to make Christ the center of their life… and to take responsibility for their ongoing spiritual formation. I think youth pastors could also help their youth be serving their parents… having conversations about where their kids [as a whole] are at, what they need, where they need help, how they need to be challenged,etc. and some practical ways they can assist them as they prepare to finish high school and move on.
As someone who has worked with college students for 13 years now, personal responsibility - in almost every area of life - is one that too many college students are coming to campus without.
Training today’s youth take be responsible for their lives - in every area - is something that can/should start long before they graduate high school.
Thanks for getting more of us thinking, and talking, about this important transition in life!
From iveth on August 08, 2010
okay, this is cool, and a bit funny, thanks>!
blessings
