Becoming a Visitor Again
By Shawn Michael Shoup on March 15 2010
My wife, Deanna, and I will be transitioning to another part of the country this summer. Duluth, MN, is where we're headed. Deanna was accepted into medical school and we have started the planning process to get things rolling on that end for our family: looking at houses, schools, and trying to find a church for us to plug into. This past weekend we had the opportunity to visit two churches. It's been a LONG time since we've been in the “church visitor” role. It was weird after being in a full time church staff position for over ten years now. I had almost forgotten what it was like.
I want to share with you some of our feelings from the weekend. Now, I also want to say upfront, that neither of us went in to these buildings looking to be critical. What follows is simply an honest interpretation of what we feel we experienced.
We didn't go to judge… we went to these places hoping to find a new church home for our families.
We didn't walk in expecting people to cater to our every whim… we're not that self-centered, I don't think.
We didn't walk in expecting to be entertianed… we went in with the intention of worshipping Jesus.
Comments
From Howie Snyder on March 16, 2010
I have been recently let go by my church due to budget cuts. So while searching for a new position, I have been visiting a different church just about every week and I must say that the norm, in my experience, is to be ignored and not talked to, except by the greeters and even then, not greeted very well.
From Shawn Michael Shoup on March 16, 2010
@ Howie - that’s really sad, isn’t it? I’ve had a few friends tell me the same after watching the video. One friend of mine commented…
“...hearing your perspective is actually encouraging. Joel and I have (due to many moves) visited a lot of churches over the years. Most of our experiences were very much like the first church you visited and I would go away feeling frustrated at the situation and then be frustrated at myself for being ‘too critical”. So.. I was encouraged that we’re not the only ones that see those things and also encouraged that you found a church that showed you the loving/embracing side of Christianity…”
Hmmmm… something’s wrong here.
From bossman on March 16, 2010
so you are leaving the ministry for your wife?
From Shawn Michael Shoup on March 16, 2010
@ Bossman - Good question. Thanks for asking.
No, I don’t see this as leaving the ministry. My wife and I are actually co-pastors at the position we are in so we’re both leaving a dearly loved church family and student ministry behind, but I think our callings will go with us.
We’ve been building up to this transition in our lives for a while now. Deanna has always felt a leaning towards the medical field. I believe it is an extension of her pastoral gifts to care for people and couldn’t be more excited to see her make this happen.
As for me, I’ll actually still be on staff at our home church, Destiny, as we transition—just not as the student pastor. My titled is going to be “technology pastor”; I’ll be taking care of some of the tech stuff I already do in my multi-faceted role at the church. It’s still ministry, just of a different kind.
For the next year, at least, I’ll also be in the role of a stay-at-home dad. We’re having a baby boy mid-June, and since Deanna will be starting medical school this fall, we decided that one of us should stay home to help ALL of our kids (4 girls right now) make this transition over the next year.
It’s a big step of faith, but we really believe that it’s where God is taking us next.
I could see myself plugging in to volunteer positions over the next year, but I don’t intend to be looking for any paid positions in the near future.
From Shawn Michael Shoup on March 16, 2010
@ Bossman - I guess I should add that I could very well see myself going back into full time ministry in the future. Just not in the next year or so. ;)
From Clay Conry on March 16, 2010
@ShawnMichael I would also add that “the ministry” isn’t limited to people on full time staff at the church. In fact it’s the job of those on staff at a church to equip the believers who are part of the body to do the work of the ministry (http://read.ly/Eph4.11.NKJV http:,//read.ly/Eph4.12.NKJV) I’ve seen a lot of people, who are not on staff at a church, do more ministry than the “professionals.”
Just a thought.
From Shawn Michael Shoup on March 16, 2010
@ Clay - So true, friend! Thanks for the clarity on that.
From Tim Schmoyer on March 16, 2010
You’re only going to be 4 hours away from me now. Suh-weet! :) We should meet up in Minneapolis sometime.
From Shawn Michael Shoup on March 16, 2010
@ Tim - Would absolutely love it! To meet the BLOG-MASTER in the real… WOW! ;D
From Tim Schmoyer on March 16, 2010
While we’re at it, let’s get Mr. McLane to join us when he’s lucky enough to be in town.
From Jon on March 17, 2010
I found your tone during the first half to be incredibly condescending. It is one thing to give a constructive critique, and a completely different thing to sling mud.
From Tim Schmoyer on March 17, 2010
@Jon: For what it’s worth, I didn’t find it condescending at all. It just felt honest to me.
From Shawn Michael Shoup on March 17, 2010
@ Jon - I thought it looked a bit harsh when I viewed it the first time, but it certainly wasn’t intended. I asked a few others to view before I posted because of that. I was just trying to be as honest as I could about what we experienced.
Most of the feedback I’ve been getting has been from other people (church visitors) who have experienced similar things. I guess I just didn’t want to sugar coat something that I think was an issue that really needs to be addressed.
I’ve also heard from several senior/lead pastors and church planters that have passed it on to their staff as a way to talk about visitation. THAT’S why I put this together: to be used to facilitate discussion, not to critique a certain church for critique’s sake. Make sense?
I kept it generic and didn’t name churches so that this couldn’t be used as a divisive or hurtful thing. No mud slinging here.
From Rick Murphy on April 11, 2010
Hey, Shawn enjoyed your review. I’m involved in starting a church plant in the Kansas City area. So until the church opens i visit other churches both to worship and to get ideas on what to do and NOT do. Sadly I would say most of my experiences are much like your number 1 visit.
I have to ask something. Did you write the pastor about the experience? I ALWAYS do. How can they improve if no one tells them.
I unlike you didn’t think the deal where they called them to repent during worship was a big deal.
Also have you read Jim and Casper Go To Church? Or Under The Overpass? Both are great church experience books. I also like Thom Rainer though I must say I went to one of his top rated churches and be coincidence he was actually there preaching. I was stunned at how unfriendly the experience was.
Thanks again. Good stuff.
From Shawn Michael Shoup on April 11, 2010
@ Rick - your not the first that has encouraged me to do so… I think I will. I won’t send him this post, though. I’ll write and try to be a little bit more constructive and helpful in my criticism.
I’ve heard of both of the books you mentioned, but haven’t read them. Thanks for the reminder.
Many blessings on your plant. When do you guys officially start? I pray all goes well.
From rick on April 11, 2010
The plan is Sept and we’re affiliated with James MacDonald and the Harvest Chapel’s. All very exciting.
I think your criticism was fair and constructive. Now some may just be personal preferences though. But the lack of friendliness…just a HUGE issue.
I’ve got to tell you that my response when I write is usually very positive. Or they don’t respond. But if they do…and I’ll say 70-80% of the time they do, it is very positive and will acknowledge what i wrote or ask some follow up questions. I’ve even met a few times with pastors.
Both books are easy read. Put them on your to do list.
Thanks for the prayers and encouragement.
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