I’m a Parent… and I’m Coming to Your Youth Group

By Shawn Michael Shoup on September 28 2010

I'm a parent.  As someone who has visited a handful of youth ministries in the past few months, my eyes have been opened to what it's like to be a concerned parent who wants to find a great place of community and faith for my teenage daughters.  The process isn't necessarily an easy or even a comfortable one.  My girls were uber-connected in the student ministry we just moved away from -- in another state -- so we have been very selective and even a little bit slow in making our decision on where to plug in as a family.  The student ministry at each church we've visited has played a major role in our decision-making process.  

I understand that a parent's hopes for a student ministry will vary from person-to-person, but I thought I'd share some hopes from my perspective.  Here are some of the things I'm looking for when I come visiting with my daughters for the first time:

• INFORMATION - Please hand me a brochure or something with a web address where I can get some 411 on your student ministry.  What does it look like?  What are you all about?  When are your service and small group times?  Do you have any upcoming events?  How do you plan on growing students' lives spiritually?  Are there opportunities for my daughters to plug into ministry?  It'd be nice to have some of that information to take home with me.
    
• WARM WELCOME - I am going to be watching what happens after we walk through your doors.  It's my hope that some adult leaders and students are going to see that my daughters are new, introduce themselves, and start showing them around and introducing them to people.  They are nervous enough already.
   
• AN INVITATION - It doesn't need to be the first night, but I would like the invitation to come and visit your student rally service so that I can see for myself what it looks like.  Yes, it's okay.  I can sit in the back.
   
• INTRODUCTION TO AN ADULT TEAM LEADER OR YOUTH PASTOR - I know you're busy, but it'd be great to meet you or be greeted by one or two of your student leaders.  I am going to be trusting my daughters to you this evening.  I might also have some on-the-spot questions and it'd be great if you were around to answer a few.  If you are feeling really generous, I'd even go out to coffee with you.  Yeah, it's that important.

To simplify even more, most of us parents are probably just going to come looking for more information and a relational connection.  Sounds simple enough, doesn't it?

I'm a parent... and I'm coming to a youth group near you.

Comments

From Alex Wright on September 29, 2010

Wow, if only we had more parents like you.  Most parents seem uninterested and uninvolved.  In fact, it rather shocks me that few parents seem to take interest in even knowing who we are, even when we make an effort to reach out to them.  Of course, there are always the core parents who lend support, encouragement, have us over for dinner, and share their lives with us, but for the most part, parents are happy to drop their kids off at a church and blindly trust that it’s better than the alternative of letting them wander around downtown unsupervised.

From Shawn Michael Shoup on September 29, 2010

Thanks for chiming in, Alex.  I was kind of anticipating such a response and I agree: that’s a common problem for many.  It would be interesting to see how different youth ministries respond to the uninvolved and uninterested parents. 

Anything that you’ve tried work well?

From Jeff Miller on October 01, 2010

I’m still “green” to the ministry, but I too have this problem. A good place to start, in my opinion, if making yourself open. Even to the extent of throwing yourself at them… literally. I have my adult helpers in the youth room watching the kids who arrive and I stand in the parking lot. That way, as soon as I see their car coming up, I walk over to them and talk to them. It’s a small step but if that opens the door to more then I hope it works well for y’all.

From Michael Scherer on October 01, 2010

I have been in youth ministry for over 20 years.  I am presently in a thriving church where I have been on staff now for 14 years.  My biggest obstacle is getting my “regular attender” parents support.  It’s important for them to be involved with their small group, but doesn’t see that same importance with their teen.  So, it does not matter if your new in the ministry or have been it for a while, this will always be a struggle.  NOTE:  One thing that we have done that helped was have a two hour seminar (not a weekend long) on what teens are devoted to these days and how the parents devotion to God and Church is a huge factor.  It was an eye opener and parents are more apt to attend if it’s short and not have the appearance of taking up their entire weekend!  Keep re-inventing yourself and your ministry and do stuff so crazy that if God is not in it, it will fail.  God Bless!

From Shawn Michael Shoup on October 01, 2010

@ Jeff - “Even to the extent of throwing yourself at them…”  Ha!  It sounds like your team is taking this very seriously = AWESOME.

@ Michael - I’m intrigued.  Do you have some notes/media you could pass on to from your seminar?  I’d be really interested to see it.

From Michael Scherer on October 01, 2010

Shawn:  We used the Devoted material from Student Life and I just tweaked it and adapted it to fit with our group.  Basically like preaching your own sermon from some other person’s outline!  Statistics were up to date and the basic material was truthfully and lovingly “in your face!”