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A Conspiracy of Grace
By Mike YaconelliOne of my son’s friends (I’ll call him Greg), recently celebrated his 28th birthday. Greg’s parents weren’t happy with his life choices, especially his decision to live with his girlfriend. Knowing his parents’ displeasure, Greg and his girlfriend decided to get married, and they called his parents to give them the good news. "We want to be married in Minnesota, so the entire family can come." Greg’s parents were happy, but restrained.
While they were planning the wedding, Greg’s girlfriend discovered she was pregnant. Realizing the coming pregnancy would upset his parents, Greg decided to call off the wedding and use the money they were going to spend on the wedding for their new baby instead.
Greg and Diane opted for a courthouse wedding with a justice of the peace presiding. Only my son and his girlfriend witnessed the union.
A couple of weeks after the "wedding," my son and his girlfriend were with some friends, and the subject of Greg’s marriage came up. Everyone concluded that it was more like a "non-wedding"—impersonal and isolated. As Greg and Diane’s friends talked, their conviction grew. No wedding should be an impersonal, isolated, bureaucratic, legal transaction. Weddings should be celebrated. The couple should be surrounded with the support and care of family and friends.
The group looked at each other and almost in unison said the same thing: "Why don’t we give Greg and Diane the wedding they never had?" As soon as the words left their mouths, they knew what had to be done. Even though Greg and Diane were legally married, the group decided to gift them with a "real" wedding. The date was set, both families were called, and, surprisingly, all agreed to come to the surprise wedding at their own expense. Sixty friends and family were involved in a conspiracy of grace.
To ensure that the couple was available on their new wedding day, Greg and Diane were invited to my son’s home for a "dress up" dinner on the day of the wedding conspiracy. When the couple arrived for dinner, a group of Diane and Greg’s friends kidnapped each of them separately and each was given the bachelor and bachelorette party they’d never had. The "bride" and "groom" were separately driven to a secluded place where, seated in a circle with their same-gender friends, they were asked a series of questions like, "Now that you have been married for three months, what mistakes have you made? How can we help you in your marriage?" Both the young husband and wife were given a picture of their spouse and asked to write on the back of the photo all the reasons they loved that person.
When the individual parties were finished, Greg and Diane thought that the surprise was over. You can imagine their shock when they were returned to the house, only to discover 60 of their family and friends waiting for them, laughing, yelling "Surprise!!!" The hugging and the crying began. It took Greg and Diane a long time to stop crying and after they regained their composure, the entire group moved into the back yard surrounded with flowers where a minister was waiting. The couple exchanged vows, each parent vowed their support, and each friend walked by and whispered a blessing to the couple. When the service was completed, there wasn’t a dry eye anywhere. Everyone left knowing they had participated in a moment of grace. This wedding had "Jesus" written all over it.
I know there are a number of readers who are sputtering and dying to interrupt, "You are condoning the sins of two young people who lived together and conceived a baby before they were married! Real Christians do not condone unbiblical living!!!" And they would be correct. Christians do not condone unbiblical living, we redeem it. Youth ministry, also, is about redeeming more than it is condemning.
Excerpt reprinted with permission from Zondervan Publishing.
Messy Spirituality: God's Annoying Love for Imperfect People, by Mike Yaconelli, released in 2002.
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