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"Bought into a Lie":More Than Just a Collection of Individuals

If you want an example of divisiveness, you need look no further than most churches in the U.K. and North America. There are denominational separations over practically every conceivable theological area. Within denominations we have churches considered to be evangelical and others liberal, and a whole range in between. In many cases, people from one church struggle to communicate with those from another. And within each church there are divisions. There are the worship leaders and the worshippers. There are the leaders and the congregation. There are teens and adults.

But I don't ever recall reading about a youth body of Christ. Or an adult body of Christ. There should be just a body of Christ.

I often hear people talk about the Christian community, or the church community, or the community of believers, or the youth ministry community. But I don't see it. I see many groups of people, divided into smaller groups of people, but I don't see community. I believe we've bought into a lie.

It has been suggested that there are many definitions of community. This may well be true, but not many of them ever fully incorporate all that community actually is. Community is definitely a collection of individuals, a group of people, but it's much more than that. Every group of people isn't community. Even every group of people who apparently believe the same thing isn't community. Every church or youth group isn't community. Indeed, groups of people are often the very opposite of community.

"In our culture of rugged individualism—in which we generally feel that we dare not be honest about ourselves, even with the person in the pew next to us—we bandy around the word ‘community.' We apply it to almost any collection of individuals…regardless of how poorly they communicate with each other. It is a false use of the word."

While there isn't space to fully outline every detail of true community, I've come to understand some key characteristics through my experience in community building and conflict resolution in various parts of the world, the ideas of M. Scott Peck, and the life and teachings of Christ in the New Testament.

Relationship

This might seem obvious. After all, there's no community without more than one person. But the kind of relationship that helps build and sustain community is characterized by forgiveness. Jesus walks with us and forgives us in all things, and it's this commitment to love for us that I believe to be the perfect example of relationships in community.

Commitment

Community requires that we hang in there with one another. There's no opting out. Even when things get a little rough, even when we can't easily agree, it's essential that we stick it out.

In very simple terms, the reality of life in many conflicts, and in Northern Ireland in particular, is that there are two groups of people with very different political aspirations. In Northern Ireland one group wants to become part of the Republic of Ireland while the other group wants to remain part of the United Kingdom. I accept that there are many different ideas and opinions across that spectrum, but people largely fall into those two camps. For people in Northern Ireland there has been and continues to be no compromise on this issue. This is the same the world over. People want different things and always will.

When two views appear opposed, people very often run away from each other. In a church context many of the current denominations arose out of different theologies that people were unable to reconcile. I believe this separation of the Body of Christ is totally unjustified.

That doesn't mean everyone agrees on everything. People in Croatia, or Israel, or Northern Ireland don't agree on everything. The only commitment they have is to try to live together. When that commitment diminishes, separation and violence can arise. Instead of being ignored, denied, or hidden, differences are a positive factor in true community. Being committed one to the other is what enables people to live with or even overcome their differences.

Conflict

Much of my experience of community building has taken place in parts of the world considered conflict areas. I've worked alongside many people who've suggested that building community requires there to be no conflict. I even encountered an American facilitator in the Balkans who argued that there was no conflict in the United States.

Rather than the absence of conflict being a necessity for community, conflict is actually a key characteristic of community. If there's never any conflict, you can be sure that it's not true community. We're not all the same; we're not identical. We don't agree about everything, nor are each of our personal characteristics and nuances cherished by everyone.

A group in Kosovo involving several nationalities was operating successfully. People who had previously participated directly in the conflict were beginning to communicate and see the humanity present in one another rather than just perceive others as the enemy. However, one individual who kept forgetting to take his cup to the kitchen after coffee was consistently upsetting this balance. Ignoring the issue of something as small as the coffee cup would've made it almost impossible to develop the relationships necessary to support people moving out of the physical conflict in Kosovo.

Totally ignoring the reaction to this person, avoiding any confrontation, and pretending that everything is okay is not truthful. To avoid any confrontation illustrates a lack of safety to share and communicate and is therefore not true community. In a true community I'll approach this person with my difficulties. This doesn't mean that he or she will see it as I do or suddenly change, but our commitment to each other means that we'll find a way through our difficulties.

It's just like a marriage. Two people make a commitment to each another and try to learn to live together. It's not always easy or smooth, but the commitment enables people to find a way through the difficulty. To ignore the differences is a sign of poor communication. Absence of conflict doesn't illustrate community; how people act and react when there is conflict does. Of course, constant serious conflict is not desirable either, but differences are.

Everyone's experience of God is unique; it's different. Although this isn't necessarily an area of conflict, other differences can be. The key here is first and foremost to not avoid or run away from it. The first thought must be that we're going to get through this. Together we're going to work through this and learn about one another; we aren't going to leave this community because we don't agree on everything. This requires a willingness to communicate.

Communication

This prevents one or two individuals from controlling all others and allows each person to develop individually and with humility. Not only must community create the opportunity for people to communicate, it must do so while focussing on the desire to hear others. Rather than wanting to tell, we should want to listen and to hear individuals within and without the community. In this honesty, confession can grow and exist. Jesus challenged people about their lives, but he also enabled them to talk about their sin. This can only occur in an environment that's safe and secure, where people are treated equally and listened to honestly.

A community should include all of its members' points of view and give the freedom to express them. By doing so, each person will come to appreciate the whole of life and of God in ways that any single individual or disjointed group could never do. By incorporating everyone, by allowing different ideas, attitudes, theologies, and feelings to engage one with the other, the conclusions reached will be well-rounded and constructive.

No individual can ever know everything about everything or be skilled at everything. Each individual must experience each member of the community and all of life with humility. Each individual's abilities and ideas, no matter their age, will be valued in true community. To consider just one particular example, Jesus said, "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 18:3) and "Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs" (Matthew 19:14).

If Jesus stressed the value of the youngest, then it's our responsibility to communicate with the youngest and indeed with all ages. Unless we know what it is to be like a child then we cannot become like one before God, and to gain this knowledge requires us all to communicate with children. To be like a child I must communicate humbly with children, desiring to learn from them and understand the God of their experience.

Inclusiveness

"The great enemy of community is exclusivity" (p. 61). Often groups exclude others and become defensive bastions. In excluding others one group begins to define itself against another rather than having an identity of its own. Groups become suspicious of each other, communication breaks down, and conflict can arise. In most national conflicts in the last 50 years, the individuals involved have been neighbours, friends, and even relatives. In the recent wars in the Balkans and in Rwanda, most of the individuals and nationalities lived along side one another for decades. But community hadn't grown. People may have talked and lived together, but in most cases they weren't committed to each other. Once situations became difficult, the lack of community became evident as people who lived next to one another began to use violence against each other. The groups of which they were a part were exclusive. Most people didn't view the family living next to them as being part of the same community.

True community doesn't seek to exclude. Communities must want to grow and develop. To achieve this requires an open attitude—a desire to include new members. Rather than wondering if we can take in a new person, true communities will ask, "Is it at all justifiable to keep this person out?"

It isn't just a matter of including different sexes, ages, ethnicities, etc. Indeed it may be the case that communities don't include differences in ethnicities in particular, but this should be because of the general population, not because of conscious or unconscious exclusion. The inclusion of other genders, generations, ethnicities, etc. should be at the core of any community, but to be inclusive also means including the full range of human emotions. Tears as well as laughter should be included, joys as well as pains, fears as well as faith.

Inclusivity, though, is not an absolute. Although I believe in being as inclusive as possible and in journeying together as the disciples did, sometimes discrimination is necessary. Some may be uncomfortable with the use of that word, but ultimately to set structures, rules, and boundaries for any group is to discriminate Rules, the boundaries, are absolutely essential if the community is to survive. It cannot survive without them. The key here is to be as open as possible and to allow each individual the opportunity to be a part of the boundary setting. The boundaries aren't and should never be set in stone.

This boundary setting requires people to be committed to one another and to be willing to communicate, always humbly admitting that others—no matter their age, religion, gender, or ethnicity—may have better ideas.

Change

Community is fundamentally about change. No community ever stands still, or it'll begin to decay. This doesn't necessarily mean drastic changes but can often be a gradual process. Within youth ministry and the broader church the desire should be for new members and therefore for change.

Community isn't a static state of being—it's a collective agent of change. The community must be able to change because every individual part of the community is changing. Constantly. No person in life ever stands still. I'm not the same as I was yesterday, nor tomorrow will I be the same as I am today. I'll be a day older. I'll have experienced new things. Sometimes the word experience sounds so heavy, that it must be some big event to be understood as an experience. But watching television is part of my experience. As I watch television I change. When I read a book I change.

People in community aren't afraid of change. The people in a community should encourage each other to reflect and consider so they'll always grow and develop, and in turn the community will grow and develop. It'll incorporate people at different points in their life's journey, encouraging them to communicate and reflect upon their life and journey. In a sense, being part of community means that each person will share the journey of many others and be continually changed by that sharing.

Power

We all have power. In true community each member will feel a strong sense of their power and also a sense of union with other members. People are greatly empowered by their part in the community and by seeing others playing their part. The sense of community doesn't arise out of conforming to the some direction laid out by the most powerful. On the contrary, community arises out of being part of the direction. The purpose of community is not to make people into something but instead to enable each person to become something.

One particular example of power relations that always sticks with me took place during work with a group of Israelis and Palestinians. Over a period of a few days a number of the facilitators and I became aware that one of the other facilitators was often pushing the participants in a particular direction. It became apparent that this particular facilitator was trying to make peace within the group by making everyone think and feel the same. Thankfully the group had been properly structured and each participant felt enabled to stand their ground and not be pushed where they didn't feel comfortable going. Participants were aware that they had power to influence ideas and choices. They were able to use their skills and abilities to be part of something rather than being forced to be something.

While I have a view as to what should happen in most situations, it isn't for me to tell people or to try to force them in a particular direction. My role is to challenge but also to support them in the direction they choose to go. While there are limits to everything, I feel that I should be supporting others to make choices even if I disagree with their choices.

Community is about people. The development of community, in cities, towns, homes, and churches, needs people willing to give of themselves and be committed to others. Community needs people willing to share life, time, and space with others with the belief that every person has something valuable to give. Jesus thought people valuable enough to give his life. In our desire to allow others to experience this love, do we value other people enough? Do we really encourage the growth of true community?

Phil Rankin is from Northern Ireland and has a background in conflict-management and community and youth work in the U.K., U.S.A., and around the globe. He's currently a Fellow in the Spirituality of Young People at Sarum College, England, and is concluding a 3-year U.K.-wide research project.