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Virtual Community: The New Frontier

I spent most of my life feeling silenced. My father made it clear to me that if I ever told anyone what was happening to me, I would be severely punished. I wrote desperate notes and thoughts in paper journals, sobbed my sadness into my pillow at night, and hoped that one day I would be brave enough to find my voice. One day, that bravery came to me. But it was in a way that I never expected, and my "voice" came emerging from a keyboard.

Blogs, forums, and online journals are now a popular phenomenon of the Internet, but it wasn't always so. In the early 1990's, I was fascinated by two services: Prodigy and America Online. Their early radio spots claimed to offer community—a place where people could connect with others who shared similar interests. Before that, I'd only found that kind of connection at school (with other misfits) or at church (with other Christians). The idea that I could easily and instantly connect with other people just like me around the country (and later, around the world) seemed to be something I'd always yearned for but hadn't been able to articulate.

Connections on the 'Net

It wasn't that I thought the Internet would solve all my problems and fill the emptiness I'd had my whole life. I only knew that I felt alone and disconnected. I wasn't getting the connection and community I wanted in my real life—the church didn't offer me much more than vague theological discussion and Proverbs 31 repetition, and my social circle consisted of one very dear friend and a lot of second glances from everybody else. The idea of finding other people to talk to, of being able to connect with other people like me, was intriguing. I almost didn't believe it could happen.

Late one evening, as I sat fidgeting in the chair at the computer, I shyly poked my Internet persona's head into a message board for sexual abuse survivors. It was completely anonymous, and there were no certainties—nobody knew who I really was, and I could only trust that what others said about themselves was really true.

Even with the lack of personal definition, though, the messages were intensely personal. I saw many of my own thoughts and feelings reflected in other people's writings. Some of the posts made me gasp out loud. I read for hours, and then, hesitantly, I wrote my first few words: "I'm a survivor, too."

The freedom that came with that confession was amazing. My secret was out—and I was being heard by other people who were survivors, too. I could re-enter the message board and see my secret, my confession, posted for everyone else to see. I could read other people's secrets and confessions, too, and respond to them. We were sharing our pain with one another and giving ourselves the space to be exactly who we were, with no pretenses or expectations. There was an intimacy to our relationships that surprised me.

Online Evolution

Before long I was interacting real-time with people. Through chats and instant messaging, I was able to sign on and receive immediate relationship and connection. I could be having terrible memories at 2 a.m., turn on my computer, and find someone who would understand. I could be feeling strong in the middle of the day, sign on, and support someone else who was having a difficult time. Through e-mails and postings, online chats and storytelling, we became a community. We created connections with one another—connections that didn't depend on physical space or geography. Those connections got me through a lot of dark and difficult nights, and I made friendships that I still have to this day.

My online life evolved in 1997. It was at this point that I left the message boards and started writing an online journal. (The term "blogging" hadn't been invented yet.)

I found a community of other writers who found the instant publishing, no-censoring facets of the Internet appealing. We wrote about our lives for the Internet to read— what we ate for breakfast, the mundane moments of our days, the funny things we heard at the laundromat, and, often, our deepest thoughts.

Internet Community

We were a community in our brave self-exposure. As with all communities, there were misunderstandings and cliques, favored people and outcasts—yet we had a commonality deeper than even those basic levels. We believed in the power of the Internet to self-publish. There were mailing lists and late-night chats; we referenced one another in our postings, friendships were forged and destroyed, sides were drawn; and we were—with each other, despite the bytes and wires— absolutely human.

In many ways I was able to find my voice through the Internet—first, as a survivor who was able to tell what happened to her in the presence of others who had experienced similar things, and, secondly, as a writer, who was able to hone her skills and passion in front of an audience made up of not only other regular people but also other hopeful writers.

I found friends online—people I never would have connected with in real life, simply because distance would've never brought us together. We've laughed and cried together, edited each other's stories, supported each other's adventures, and been friends through book contracts, childbirth, difficulty, and death. These relationships are some of the most important ones I have, and I treasure them immensely.

Benefits and Pitfalls

People are often skeptical of relationships on the 'Net. After all, some people claim to be someone they aren't, simply because they can. There was a big fuss one year in an online community I was involved in because a woman who was dearly loved and who'd been the recipient of many people's kindness and charity, was discovered to have been lying about her daughter's cancer and recent death. Her daughter wasn't dead; in fact, her daughter hadn't ever had cancer. The mom's sick desire for attention had created the lie.

People were devastated by the false story, and many of them claimed they would never trust another person online again. The woman had strung them along for months, giving updates about her daughter, posting her daughter's "poetry," even changing her voice and pretending to be younger when she talked to some of her online friends on the phone.

In a world like this, with people like this, why would you bother to create or find community online?

One of the answers is simple—it's where kids already are. Your students are finding that same amazing connection I found years ago. They're going to the Internet to find friends, to discover their own voices, to hear the echo of their own thoughts against the walls of cyberspace. They're going to the Internet to feel less alone.

On the 'Net, they can be whoever they want to be: good or bad. They can confess their deepest secrets and speak their darkest desires. They can sign on at 2 a.m. and find a friend—someone else who can't sleep, someone else who can't stand to shut their eyes. Wouldn't it be great if you could be there, too

Create a Safe Place

One of the most important things to remember when entering the online world is that you aren't there to change it—you're there to discover it. There's nothing online folks like less than people who come in from 3-D space to fix everything they don't like about the Internet.

The Internet world is a grassroots— everyone is equal, everyone has a voice— place. People feel free to have their own opinions online, and they proclaim them—prolifically and with great volume. Sometimes it doesn't even matter if people are listening; it's the simple act of being able to offer a voice that brings a sense of freedom.

Your job online is to create a safe place amidst the existing structures. You're taking a place where kids already feel safe and comfortable and being there among them.

Instant Messaging

IM is a great place to start. The interaction can range from a quick, "hi, how you doing?" to a deep, involved conversation. Some students will send short IMs to you for awhile, to see how you respond to them. Others will take the opportunity to talk to you and immediately offer their deepest thoughts and fears. There might be some who never talk to you deeply about anything—they just like seeing your screen name on their IM list and connecting with you briefly on a surface level.

It's very important that you log your IM conversations. This will help you have a written record of what has been said, so that if anything awkward ever happens (like being accused of inappropriate behavior) you have a back-up account of what really occurred.

It's also important that you set boundaries. IM can overtake your personal life. If you have a message to write or a budget to set up, keep your IM turned off. And when you do turn it on, have a set time limit to be there. Respect the technology and your time.

Read Students' Blogs

The most important thing about reading your kids' blogs is to protect their online space. Unless you know how it will be received, don't start commenting on every post or turning their postings into an inside joke in the youth room. Read their blog entries for the simple reason that it'll help you know them better. If you want to talk about something they've written, write them e-mails about it. Keep online revelations online until they approach you in person about them (or unless something requires immediate action like a suicide threat or harm to another person).

If they've asked you not to read their blogs, don't. And if you're not sure if you should be reading their blogs (perhaps you found them accidentally while doing a Google search), ask your students for their permission. By talking to them about their blogs and letting them know you discovered them, you're opening up a discussion on how public their writing really is. Many students fall for the seduction of privacy— that somehow what they do online doesn't transfer into their offline lives. By letting them know you've "found" them, you're giving them an opportunity to rethink their online activity.

Youth Group Chat Rooms

An online youth group chat isn't always the best option. In some cases, this can work; but in many cases, it doesn't. Part of the wonder and magic of online community is that the playing field is even. The hierarchies and structures that exist in your youth group will probably carry over onto the Internet, and all you'll get from an online group chat is a virtual version of Sunday night youth group.

Select a small group of students (it's best if they're already connected as a clique) you want to get to know better, and chat with them or just use personal one-on-one IMs. This will help you interact differently and give you a sense of online presence that they can choose to take advantage of if they wish

Message Boards

You'll probably get similar youth group dynamics with a youth group message board. They can be helpful for gathering general opinions, discussing prayer requests, or providing news on sick youth group members, but for relationship and community, it isn't always your best option.

One of the reasons the message boards worked so well in the beginning for me was that we were strangers united by a common experience. We found community through our shared experience, and geography was immaterial. Your students may not have enough in common to successfully create community on a message board, and instead it may recreate hurtful dynamics already at play in the youth room.

If you do have a youth group message board, protect it. Be on watch for the power dynamics in your group, and see if they're replicating online. Stop conversations that head toward gossip or maliciousness. Encourage folks to have one identity and to always post as themselves. Encourage truthfulness.

Go Ahead—Try a Blog!

I know, it seems like everyone has one, but a blog can be a great way to create community. You probably won't get a huge following among your youth group as a blogger, but you'll certainly be more human and perhaps even encourage their own humanity in response.

Blogging is storytelling in digital form. It's a method of self-expression that can also be full of self-exploration. You can blog about the silly stuff—what toothpaste you use or an acronym for your name made out of heavy metal album titles—or you can be serious—posting some of the times you struggled with your faith or your journaled prayers.

The key to having a blog is to be yourself. Let your students know who their youth leader really is. Give them the permission to be themselves, too. And always include an e-mail address so that they can respond to what you've written.

Be Online

The most important thing about creating community online is to be online.Your students will figure out their ideal way to connect with you. Whether they e-mail or IM, read your blog or write their own, you're establishing an Internet presence and telling them that, yes, even in the dark bowels of cyberspace, you can be there for them.

Time

But what if you don't have time? Time is a huge issue for us—between our students' basketball games, meetings with senior staff, late night phone calls, and kids in crisis—how can you possibly add one more thing to the schedule? Does being on the Internet replace your in-person hang-out time? Does it replace a hospital visit or a phone call? If it does, is it worth it?

The best thing about the Internet is that it levels the field. You don't have to pick between Charlie's game and Susie's swim meet. You can spend time with several kids over IM, in individual conversation, and be present with each of them.

If you have computer access and even an hour a week, you can begin by announcing a regular time that you're online. Publish it, give out your IM name, and begin with that. See how students respond. See how it fits into your schedule and your vision of ministry.

Offline Safety

Bring your online safe place offline. One of the reasons your students feel so comfortable online is that they can be anonymous if they choose to be. I mentioned earlier that you want to avoid anonymity on your church message board; that's because it's a virtual community based on a physical community in which they're already known. The dynamics of offline life exist when you bring a group into cyberspace.

The anonymity that your students feel online is in other areas and communities where they have the freedom to step outside their normal social structures and their everyday lives. They're given the chance to recreate themselves and play a different role. This is obviously a difficult thing to bring into your physical youth room. However, there are some aspects of the online experience that you can bridge to offline life.

Expectations and Stereotypes

Rid yourself of these. It's easy to pigeon hole kids—most of us can walk into a room full of students and pick out the queen bee, the troublemakers, and the quiet ones.

Try to re-imagine your youth group. Look below the façades and images and truly see the hearts of your students. Ask yourself if they're really who you think they are, or even if they're who they really want to be. Look at them as individuals—try to see them without their cliques. Imagine who they are underneath their masks.

Impersonal-Personal

Many students want to be able to talk about the things that really trouble them, but they don't necessarily want to do it while looking in your eyes.

Laurie Polich talks about an anonymous note she found from one of her students after a meeting, and how she was able to connect with that student later and forge a long-lasting and life-changing friendship. Give students the opportunity to tell their secrets and stories—perhaps with blank paper you pass out before youth group.

Collect the messages in a box and read them later. Remember the stories and confessions as you interact with your students, and allow them the opportunity to bring their stories to you personally.

Use photographs or clay to reflect ways students might be feeling but don't know how to find the words. Have them sculpt something or point to an image that speaks to their relationship with God or how they feel about their lives.

Reinvent the ways you talk with students. Dialogue through art and images—not just through words from opposite sides of a table or desk.

Shame-Free

Create a place that is free from shame. Notice that I didn't say a place that is free from accountability. One of the dangerous things about the 'Net is the lack of accountability. Because of anonymity and the impersonal-personal, people often say things or threaten things for which they never have to be held responsible. There's little follow-through online.

You have the chance to hear the hardest things your students have to say and then gently help them through their difficult situations. You can be there when their worlds fall apart or when they feel despairing and hopeless. You can know them and still love them.

Remind them of the forgiveness that comes from Jesus. Remind them that they are new creations in him, and that they don't have to live in shame.

The Internet is a new frontier that we're just now beginning to understand and use. Creating online community is a lot easier than you might think. As you venture into cyberspace, you'll discover new things about your students, about yourself, and about our culture. It's worth the trip.

Renee Altson pre-dates the blogging phenomenon— she's been writing online since 1997, and a part of online community since 1992. She's the Web content specialist at Youth Specialties, the Web editor for YouthWorker Journal and the author of Stumbling Toward Faith: My Longing to Heal from the Evil that God Allowed (emergentYS, 2004).