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The Art of Parental Communication: The Lighter Side

Let’s be honest for a moment…we have a really great job. (Don’t worry; we’ll keep this between you and me.)

Most of us don’t have to punch a clock or wear a coat and tie, and from what I witnessed at the National Youth Worker’s Convention, we’re all a bunch of lunatics. Unfortunately this results in a certain amount of subterfuge (i.e., lying) to make us look like we’re actually doing something when we’re on the job.

When Sharing with Parents...

One aspect of this spin doctoring (i.e., lying) is the subtle art of communicating with parents. You know those games you play on Sunday nights before you actually do anything? When in conversation with parents, we call that "fellowship."

The Wednesday night gathering of teenagers is called Bible Study (bi-Bull Stud-ee) or BS for short. All communication in the bulletin, newsletter, or emails should say "Bible Study" even if the teenagers know it’s BS. Never use this abbreviation with parents.

The events where you go away, stay up late, goof around, and meet new people—when writing to parents we call these "retreats."

The events where you go away, stay up late, goof around, and meet new people for a week—when writing to parents we call these "mission trips." When going on a retreat or mission trip, always put a Bible on the list of "What to Bring." Have some extras on hand in case there are kids who don’t know what it is, or all they have at home is that big 25-pounder with the family tree between the testaments. If you see a nice sunset, sit your kids in a circle with their books open and take their picture.

Publish these photos in the church newsletter. Have them in a file and "accidentally" drop them when you have a parent meeting. Say, "Oh, I was wondering where those went."

Professional Buzz Words

Certain words and phrases are expected from you as a youth minister. If you’re not familiar with these words and their meanings, look them up and practice saying them in front of a mirror so you can do it with confidence and authority. Ready?

Lesson Plan (Less-Sin Plan)—how they know what you’re teaching. Fake it. You don’t have one.

Budget (Bud-Jit)—how they know how much money you’re spending. Fake it. Same reason.

Mothers—people who think they can do your job better than you while at the same time having no clue what their own kid is really like around his peers.

Fathers—Practice this phrase: "Yes, sir. Guys and girls are sleeping in separate rooms."

Christ Centered—the reason you’re there in the first place. No, Mountain Dew has nothing to do with it.

Drop Off Parents—parents who bring their kids and don’t stay. (See also: God’s Blessings.)

Nutritional Value—what parents want to hear about what you eat on mission trips (See: Lying)

Permission Slip—the slip of paper that says the kid can go and you’re not responsible for any injuries that a teen may and probably will sustain while in your charge.

Liability Insurance—the slip of paper that says you’re responsible for any injuries that teens may have and probably did sustain while in your charge.

Bribery—How to get your students to say that they are, in fact, studying the Bible or that nothing really happened that was worth contacting the insurance company.

Time Without Your Teenager

Does your board expect you to minister to the parents too? Sure. How about the Time-Without-Your-Teenager Ministry? That’s more than a ministry. It’s a gift. Give the parents two to three hours alone on a Sunday evening. Let them go out to eat. Open a bottle of wine. Put on that CD of the album they used to listen to before they had children. Some parents will understand. These are the mothers who pull into the parking lot and barely slow down enough for Junior and a friend to jump out of the SUV before roaring off in the direction of home. (Often these mothers may have on extra make-up and an overcoat over something that looks like red satin. Ignore this. It’s part of your ministry. Don’t be offended if she doesn’t wave.)

Let us not forget that the parents are the ones whose continuing donations actually fund the youth ministry programs. (Note: Using duct tape as a form of ministry can greatly affect the size of the budget.)

These parents have trusted us with their most valued possessions. Take a good look around your office or youth room. Would you trust your kid with you? The parents do. That says a lot. You’re responsible for the continued spiritual growth of their children. A little feedback and information from you will go a long way.