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The Burnout of the Fit

Jessy was a very effective youth worker. She had a degree from a reputable Christian university and was very talented with a gift for ministry. It was no surprise that she was snatched up by a church right out of school.

The church seemed to be a good fit for her—she was still there after a five-year tenure. Jessy handled the ministry "landmines" well. She had her share of attention- seeking kids, dysfunctional parents, staff crises and conflicts, and the occasional church political drama that comes with the ministry territory. No doubt, she did the job effectively. Yet one day she was sitting in my office telling me that she was ready to quit.

She was losing her passion and desire for ministry. She felt exhausted all the time. She found herself doubting her spiritual fitness for ministry. Jessy was experiencing burnout.

Burnout isn't uncommon among people in ministry. The common misconception about burnout is that it's experienced as the result of ministry stresses and problems or spiritual dryness. But things can be going well, and an effective youth worker can still experience burnout. There are some preventative measures that one can take to avoid finding oneself in Jessy's position.

Beware of Complexes

There are two common complexes that I find common in youth workers. The first is the "Messiah Complex." No doubt every youth worker loves students and is wired with the deep desire to rescue them. While we don't want this passion for students to die, our perspectives on our abilities need

to be accurate. Jessy had become convinced that she had to shoulder the responsibility for helping hurting students. She was exhausted by staff members who would "drop the ball." She felt like she was empowering her staff and delegating responsibility to them, but she also felt like she had to rescue them each time they were unavailable to students. Jessy wasn't only the savior to every kid but also to her staff.

It's important to remember that Jesus loves students more than we do. There may be times when nobody will be available. A student may need to face the impossible in order to see that the God of the impossible is active in his or her life. Jessy's well-intended rescuing, while motivated out of a genuine love for students, was actually robbing them of experiencing the mighty work of God. It was also robbing Jessy of her vitality for ministry. I had to remind Jessy that there was only one Messiah in the life of her students and staff...and that wasn't her.

The second is the "Holy Spirit complex," which occurs when a youth worker assumes the role of the agent who convicts students of sin, righteousness, and judgment. I believe we need to call sin, "sin," but that isn't what this complex entails. Jessy verbalized her frustration with students who weren't stepping up to the plate in service. She was frustrated with the great lengths that she went through to teach spiritual disciplines only to watch students be lackadaisical. She found herself always confronting students for not being spiritually fit. While this may be required of a spiritual mentor at times, Jessy seemed to be locked on this intense agenda. Not only was it consuming her, it was also burning out her students.

It was apparent to me that Jessy thought her success in ministry correlated to the spiritual motions that her students were going through. If kids were more spiritually passionate, committed, disciplined, etc., then she was successful. Because she didn't see that, she decided to turn up the intensity. Her public prayers became sermons of conviction. Jessy needed to trust the work of the Holy Spirit in her life as well as in the lives of her kids.

Define Boundaries

During my conversation with Jessy, her cell phone rang four times because her kids were constantly calling her. She thought that she was being disciplined by not answering all the time, but in fact she was deceiving herself. Jessy had made herself too accessible to students.

There are ways to make oneself available and still maintain healthy boundaries, like keeping your cell phone number as private as possible. Let students know the proper lines of communication, like calling your office first. Give them times when they can call.

If there's a real emergency, the person in crisis will be contacting multiple resources to secure the help that's needed. It's arrogant to think that we're the only people who can rescue students. If we teach students to depend on us, they won't learn to depend on God.

Turn off your phone. My wife and I made a rule at the onset of our marriage that meal times were for family and we wouldn't answer the phone during that time. Our children grew up knowing that boundary. When we had guests for dinner it was interesting to watch the response if the phone rang, because we'd learned to completely ignore it and continue in our conversation. It would drive some people crazy, but it kept me from being driven crazy by a lack of boundaries.

In addition, realize that your voicemail and e-mail also make you too accessible if they're without boundaries. Students have a center-stage mentality about life already. They believe that all things, including you, revolve around their universe. When they leave you a message, they don't understand why you don't get back to them right away. Voicemail and e-mail make you responsible for the conversations. Students begin to feel hurt that you don't immediately call them back.

I bought a home answering machine years ago. We hooked it up the night we bought the machine. The following day when we returned home from being out all day, we found 18 new messages. I realized that I had become responsible to return all those messages. If each one takes only 3 minutes (a conservative estimate), that's almost an hour of my time. I got rid of the answering machine. Communicate the limits of your humanity with students. Tell them that you may not return all messages. Make them own the responsibility for the calls.

Develop Avocational Skills

In many ways, what we do in youth ministry is what other people do for recreation. Our work is everyone else's play. We participate in camping, pool parties, bowling, rafting, amusements parks, etc. That's our job, while others do those things to get refreshed. If you want to avoid burnout, you need to design a change of pace that will revitalize you.

I have a youth pastor friend who loves to do carpentry. He started doing that during his free time and began to take on projects around the neighborhood. It was fun for him and it earned him a little side money. Another friend developed her artistic skills by painting and doing shows with her work. Another youth pastor told me that he loved writing and had started to write for the local newspaper. I also met a youth worker who told me that he and his wife decided to take swing dance lessons through the local community college.

There are many things you can do. Learn to play an instrument, speak another language, design Web sites, or take up photography. It can be anything, as long as it doesn't relate to youth, which will require discipline on your part. It means that you have to set aside time in your schedule and be faithful to follow through. Creating this separation of work and recreation enhances your personal development and gives you the refreshed edge that you need to overcome burnout.

Develop Non-Student Networks

I've encountered many youth workers whose social circles only consisted of students and their families. This isn't healthy. Burnout can occur when there's no diversity of relationships. It's important that you network with peers who don't go to the same church you do. This isn't an impossible task. You can develop peer relationships by networking with other youth workers in your community. Commit to meet once a month, and don't talk about youth ministry!

Other alternatives include reconnecting with college friends, getting to know your neighbors, intentionally developing friendships through community organizations like a health club or an organized sports league, etc. Creatively seek to network outside your circle of student ministry. And cultivate relationships, not just acquaintances. These relationships will give you a refreshed outlook.

Jessy's burnout wasn't because she was experiencing ministry stress or a lack of spiritual fitness; it was because every aspect of her life (physical, mental, social, emotional, and spiritual) directly connected to her vocation of ministry. Her life was closing in on her and robbing her of her passion and joy. By readjusting some priorities, Jessy began to be refreshed. Take preventative measures to create life diversions and alternatives. These simple measures can help you avoid burnout.

Steve Gerali is Director of the Youth Ministry Undergraduate Degree Program at Azusa Pacific University in Southern California. In addition to over 25 years of youth ministry experience, Dr. Gerali is a clinical counselor, author, speaker, and educator.