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Dancing in the Dark: The Addictive Lure of Pornography

Almost every evening, Robert* would kiss his mom goodnight then quietly lock his bedroom door. His single mother, who went to bed at about the same time, had no idea that her teenage son's night was just beginning. By most definitions, Robert was a good kid. He was a solid if not outstanding student, he was active in his church youth fellowship, and he had never experimented with alcohol or even taken so much as a puff on a cigarette. Nevertheless, at age 14, Robert was an addict.

*For the purpose of this article. I am using a pseudonym for this teen and altering his circumstances slightly to protect his identity.

Each night, Robert followed the same compulsive ritual. As he told me, he would get his first rush of anticipation as he waited for the sound of his mother's door closing down the hall. After he heard the noise, the excitement grew as he booted up his computer. While it was loading, he would pull out a CD-ROM that he had labeled "band notes" and slip it into the drive. The disc contained more than 300 pornographic images that he had downloaded from his computer. After viewing a handful of pictures to feed his excitement, he would log onto the Internet and proceed to one of his favorite sites to indulge his insatiable quest for new images to add to what he called his "gold stash." He sometimes laughed when he saw the warnings that only those 18 or older could enter the site. Later, usually sometime between two and three o'clock in the morning, Robert would fall exhausted into his bed to grab a few hours of sleep before rising again at seven o'clock.

Although the problem of teenage pornography compulsion and addiction is seldom mentioned in Christian literature, Robert's case is by no means atypical. Indeed it's a quiet epidemic that's wreaking havoc in the souls and spirits of an ever-growing body of teenagers. Many teens are living a tragic double-life. They may be outgoing honor students and athletes during the day, but then disappear each night into a shadow world, later filled with shame and disgust at their failures. Indeed, the shame can be so great that many teens will never share it, and instead live their secret in painful isolation. Yet, despite the damage inflicted upon those young people trapped in the seductive web of pornography, few seem to recognize that there is a problem in the first place.

The History

Pornography has gone mainstream. The word pornography once evoked images of "dirty old men" in trench coats, and the "adult" industry was frequently associated with mobsters and dark back rooms. Adult entertainment companies are now traded on Wall Street, and through their cable subsidiaries, major US corporations (like AT&T and Time-Warner) have become some of the largest distributors of pornography in history. The stigma surrounding pornography and elicit sexuality has largely evaporated in many circles. For example, the movie Midnight Cowboy, which was released in 1969, initially garnered an X rating for its honest portrayal of a male hustler and the dark side of human sexuality. Twenty-five years later, Hollywood turned hardcore pornographer Larry Flynt into a likable poster-boy for constitutional rights.

Aside from being more accepted, pornography has also become more accessible. Indulging in porn often used to require traveling to seedy stores in questionable parts of town. Now one can view sexual movies anonymously and in the comfort of one's own home with the touch of a TV remote control. Adult bookstores and "gentlemen's clubs" (and I use the term "gentlemen" loosely) are now ubiquitous parts of the urban landscape. Indeed, the Senate Judiciary Committee revealed that adult bookstores in America now outnumber McDonald's restaurants by a ratio of three to one. And if that weren't enough, the Internet came along and became the sex addict's super-drug, the gateway to any and every fantasy, no matter how bizarre or deviant.

Finally, and perhaps most tragically, many (not just voices within the porn industry) would have you believe that "adult entertainment" isn't a problem for teenagers because it's being consumed exclusively by adults. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Several studies have confirmed that the overwhelming majority of people are first exposed to pornography while they are children or teenagers.

In numerous cities, blocked out adult cable channels are scrambled so poorly that they leave little to the imagination. To make matters worse, the U.S. Supreme Court recently ruled that cable companies have the free speech right to broadcast adult programs at all hours of the day. The scrambling is irrelevant anyway if a teen's parents or friends have access to adult channels on their televisions. Discarded pornography likewise frequently ends up in the hands of teenagers. Of course if teens were unable to view it these ways, they could at any time find an unprotected computer and breeze past the warning pages on adult Internet sites. And they do.

Frighteningly, like adults, the experiences of teenagers who indulge in pornography are becoming normalized, meaning that society and their peers no longer always see pornography as deviant or even undesirable. Even many adolescent females are beginning to see pornography as another routine part of human sexuality.

While pornography advocates might chalk it all up to greater freedom of expression and sexual liberation, the wounds left on our young people can be severe and long-lasting. Many like Robert begin indulging in pornography out of curiosity or for excitement, never suspecting that it'll lead down a dark road of addiction and pathology.

Physical Manifestations

The dynamics of sexual addiction have been increasingly well-documented by numerous authorities, yet the information is seldom mentioned to teenagers. For example, few teens are aware that when one views pornography, powerful biochemical reactions are unleashed which can quickly lead to addiction. When a teen is excited by an image, the adrenal gland secretes a chemical called epinephrine into the bloodstream. The chemical then travels to the brain and locks in the image. From this point, the mind may recall the image at any time and trigger the feeling of arousal. The effect of this process is why so many adults can still vividly recall the first pornographic image they saw as a youngster.

Other biochemicals are at work as well such as serotonin, endorphins, adrenaline and dopamine which produce powerful euphoric states in the pornography user. Teens experiencing this self-induced chemical thrill will naturally wish to do so again. Indeed, like Robert, the very act of approaching pornography then creates a rush of expectation before the first image is even viewed, which in turn can lead to ritualization of the pornography consumption to maximize the thrill. Teens who begin with casual viewing may suddenly find themselves consumed by recalled erotic images and may compulsively devote ever-more time and attention to them. Teens trapped in the cycle may require ever-more explicit (and in some cases illegal) images to achieve the same response.

The Effects

Certainly, not all kids who view pornography end up as sexual addicts, but pornography is harmful to them nonetheless. Developmentally, the teenage years are a key formative stage, and the normalized yet ridiculously skewed depiction of sexuality in pornography can greatly impair a young person's development of a healthy sexual identity (if you doubt this, consider the numerous recent media stories of the consequences of teens acting out what they saw on the Playboy Channel and adult videos).

Pornography fosters a demeaning attitude towards women by depicting females as insatiable playthings, an attitude that has been correlated with incidents of sexual abuse and rape. Pornography also creates the expectation in teenage males that women's bodies should look like the air-brushed and surgically enhanced versions in the movies, an expectation that can lead to condemnation and rejection of girls fighting this impossible standard. The act of sex itself through pornography is dehumanized and desensitized, and teens may have a hard time discovering real intimacy when raised on this dysfunctional and destructive model.

Finally, and most importantly, pornography represents a spiritual assault on God's gift of sexuality and the purpose for which it was created. Christian teenagers are forced to try to maintain a Godly conception of their sexuality in the midst of a well-conceived, all-out blitzkrieg on their values, and many of our teens are quietly losing the fight.

Robert didn't realize he had a problem until he started falling asleep in class and his grades began to slip. Despite these detrimental effects, he continued his nightly affair with pornography. It began to scare him when he realized that he could no longer control himself, and that's when he came to talk to me.

Responding to the Problem

The first step for every youth worker addressing the problem of pornography among teenagers is to be willing to talk with them about it openly and honestly. Granted, it's a profoundly uncomfortable topic for most, but youth workers do teenagers a tremendous disservice and underestimate what they're up against when they take a simple "just say no" stance and send them out the door. Serious problems require serious dialogue, and several points are important when discussing pornography:

1. Never judge or shame a teenager. Whether you are addressing a group or an individual, the teenager who's indulging in pornography probably feels both shame and isolation for their actions. They may feel deviant, and that they're the only ones who are engaged in this behavior. If teenagers feel the possibility of rejection, they won't open up.

2. Normalize teenagers' sexuality. It's psychologically crucial to affirm that sexual thoughts are a normal and unavoidable part of being a teenager. Acknowledge how difficult it is to maintain godly thoughts about sexuality when one is bombarded with constant and graphic sexual images and expectations. Reinforce that sexuality is a gift from God to be cherished, and that it's what we do with it that makes it a sin.

3. Be cognizant of gender issues. When talking about sensitive sexual topics, it's often more comfortable for the teens to have men addressing boys and women addressing girls. It's also protection for the youth worker, since teens struggling with their sexual issues often have dangerously ambiguous physical and emotional boundaries.

4. Affirm each individual. For anyone who has come to you with this problem, give them your undivided attention and affirm the courage and trust it took for them to discuss it with you.

5. Preach forgiveness. For some reason, sexual sin is often falsely regarded as being much more heinous than other types of sin (which is yet another example of the mechanics of guilt and shame at work). Help the teens realize that God's forgiveness is theirs for the asking and that you forgive them too.

And for the Addict…

The aforementioned items are some simple guidelines for introducing and addressing the issue of pornography with teenagers. Unfortunately, response to the teen that has already crossed the threshold of pornography addiction is not so simple. Still, the youth minister can be a powerful ally in a teen's quest to overcome addiction. Some important actions include:

1. Never underestimate the power of the addiction. Addiction is the key word. It's not something that can be changed through simple directives and discussion. Pornography addiction can be as powerful as any drug or alcohol addiction, and the teens under its control are powerless to overcome it through their own abilities. The youth minister, too, isn't going to be able to single-handedly "cure" the behavior.

2. Offer to help facilitate minor changes. Because so much addictive behavior is ritualized, an understanding youth professional can help a teen identify elements that lead to the dysfunctional behavior and can help modify them. In the case of pornography addiction, the youth minister can become an accountability partner who will check up on a teen's computer or cable usage. They can, with the cooperation of the youth, offer to safeguard the password on installed security software, install time controls for Internet usage, or encourage the teen to move his or her computer to a high-traffic area.

3. Pray. The teenager overcome by pornography addiction is fighting a spiritual, physical, and psychological struggle. Prayer with and for a teenager is an essential element in the fight. Also it can be helpful to share relevant verses of Scripture dealing with temptation and ultimate victory that can become a rallying point for teens struggling with addiction. Remind your youth that God wants to deliver them from their affliction and will be with them in the struggle.

4. Refer. This is often the most difficult part of the process, but it's crucial for long-term recovery. Addictions don't simply go away. It must be controlled throughout the addict's life. For this, professional help is necessary. Several 12-step groups that are based on the model of Alcoholics Anonymous deal with sexual addiction, and there are numerous therapists who specialize in recovery from the destruction of sexual addiction. It may be helpful to compile a list of available resources in your community. The difficulty here may be that the teen won't want to seek further help, or they might hesitate if they know their parents will have to become involved at this point. The youth professional can be a vital ally in helping a teen make the transition to specialized help.

In case you're thinking that your Christian teens are more immune than their secular peers to the lure of pornography, you may be partially right. Certainly, Biblical teachings and moral guidance can have a protective effect on our young people; however, psychology also teaches that people often have a tendency to bond with the very things that they repress. In some cases, teenagers who are most zealous about forcing impure thoughts from their minds may actually be fostering a subconscious fascination with the profane. Ignoring or treating the issue too lightly with Christian youth may actually set them up for a greater struggle and may compound their sense of guilt and shame when they fail.

John Haney serves as both Youth Director and Pastoral Counselor at St. Richard's Episcopal Church in Round Rock, Texas. He holds a Ph.D. in Rehabilitation Counseling from the University of Texas at Austin.